What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Sex Toys?

Easy, Instinctive, Well-Lubricated and Functional.

Well, looks like someone forgot to mention this to the designers of the following 6 products … so bare the ride with us:


1) A Vibrating Dental Splint.


Oral Sex seems to always be evolving!  Apparently, strapping a vibrating device on your teeth and and going down on someone with a vibra-punching, teeth grinding, tongue splinting gadget is the new sexy…

2) A Snorkel O Vibrating Muff Dive Gear.


The “Muff Diver” is pretty much exactly what it advertises … you literally step in the bedroom looking like you’re planning a Scuba trip in the Great Barrier Reef.

It then goes on to flaunt the fact that the package comes with a lube that tastes like liquor, because the manufacturers have long since given up hope that people will go in chin first unless they had some booze.

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Finally! Someone has eventually solved the riddle of how to combine poolside fun and sexy times.

Just enter a pool noodle into the sex equation!

It also comes with a pretty cool description on their website:

… just perfect …

4) Je Joue, the Smartest Of All Vibrators.


This is a favourite amongst Super Mario hardcore fans and Programming Nerds.

It even comes with a 10 frikkin pre-programmable-interface!


The maximum length of a programme is 30 minutes, so screw you if you are one of those people who want to take their time.

5)  A WowerShower.


It’s a dildo! And a showerhead! And … not an awfully bad idea at all, I suppose.

Sure, it’s not the perfect product. You need to keep attaching and unattaching it … but to keep it simple, just follow the instruction diagrams on their website:

Yeah, you get the point …

6) A Handjob SOM.


1) Remove pants.
2) Awkwardly jam the device under your ass to hold it.
3) Adjust the hand holster to suitable height and carefully wriggle in your stuff.

Now that seems like a “handy” product!!

Those were our Top 6 Sex Toys made by people who clearly never had sex.

But hey … Whatever gets your clock ticking!

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